How to survive Brexmas in 5 easy steps...


Christmas is a time of cheer and happiness for all.  Yay!  Or it was, before... Brexit.  Boo!  Here's a quick guide on how to get through the festive season as painlessly as possible:

1.  The golden rule is - avoid Brexmas at all costs! Whatever you think about Christmas and Brexit, under no circumstances should you attempt to mix them - else you'll likely regret it!  Normally, I believe that if you like any two things, they only ever get better if you mix them - like boiled eggs and marmite (try it, delicious!).  However, I strongly suggest no one wants a Brexmas as it will just repeat on you endlessly and leave a rather bad taste in your mouth (who really likes Brexit after all?).  If at all possible, don't talk about Brexit, listen about it, read about it or even think about it.  Don’t worry, it will still be there in the New Year, unfortunately...

2.  If you are cornered by some dullard bashing on about it (or even worse, a family member), just accept you will have to give them 5 minutes to get it out of their system if you want to continue with the festive cheer.  Do not, and this is the important part, answer back or engage them in conversation, this will only extend the unfortunate incident.  Remember, nobody really has any 'facts' (at all) to back up their views, only entrenched second-hand opinions that are probably loosely based on what they’ve read or heard someone else saying.  If you let them to talk for five minutes, and I'd be surprised if they last that long, they will be Brexited out.  Let them vent, help them feel better (it is the season of goodwill after all), then offer to get them a little refreshment to calm down and get back in the swing of Christmas.

3.  If push really comes to shove and you simply can’t get away from expressing your opinion, try to be as brief as possible.  Like the dullard who started it, your view is also likely based on an opinion that you can’t really back up with evidence – so be brief, act as though you know more than you do, throw a few ‘facts’ their way and move on.  Don’t get serious; if they don’t agree with you at the start, you’ll never change their mind.  Avoid a mini debate as you will only be kept away from the nibbles for longer than necessary and end up feeling rather irritated by the whole encounter.

4.  As soon as you’ve said your (brief) piece, catch someone’s eye who you know is ‘safe’ and go and talk real festive nonsense, rather than Brexit related bollocks-nonsense, with them.  Try and forget the encounter as soon as possible with a few cheeky scoops of alcohol.  If you see the Brexit-bore heading your way again, act tipsy and pretend you peaked too early with the Babycham.

5.  If the next morning, whilst perhaps feeling a tad the worse for wear, you feel irritated at having had to experience a mini-Brexmas, buy the Guardian or visit their website to recharge, help rebalance life and restore your faith.  Remember, there are lots of lovely folks around and you’re not alone ;)

It’s all rather simple really – just avoid Brexmas and have a fab Christmas!  (Unless you can organise a second referendum or cancel Brexit, in which case please crack on as there will be another Christmas next year!)

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